The Library
by Raquelita
Summary: Lily loved him. She knew she did. He was James Potter, and he loved her so much that it was impossible not to love him back. But every so often, she wondered if she should have fought for something else. Lily/Sirius, T for safety.


**A/N: A Lily/Sirius one shot that came to mind while I was working on something else…**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter **

Lily loved him. She knew she did. He was James Potter, and he loved her so much that it was impossible not to love him back. They'd been happy together for six months, since the start of 7th year. They were head boy and girl – everyone who saw them together said they were the perfect couple. Everyone rolled their eyes and smiled at the fact that Lily had finally given in. Most of the time, she smiled and rolled her eyes along with them.

Most of the time, she knew she'd made the right decision.

Most of the time.

llll

It had been the start of October sixth year. Lily was minding her own business in the library, writing an essay for Charms and trying to ignore the angry thunderstorm going on outside. She pushed her long auburn hair away from her face, pulling it around one shoulder in a frustrated attempt to get it out of the way.

She was sitting in an isolated corner of the library at one of the desks by a window, and she hadn't seen another living sole in her little sanctuary all night. As it happened, she didn't see the boy who'd suddenly appeared there. She heard him first.

"Lily?"

She jumped at the sound of another voice, looking up as Sirius stepped out of the shadows.

"You're not snogging someone back here are you, Sirius?" she asked lightly, "Because I don't intend to move."

"Well that would make things a bit awkward for you then wouldn't it? As we plan to use your desk…." Sirius gave her a wink to let her know he was kidding. "Mind if I sit down?"

Lily shrugged, and he sat down on a corner of the desk.

The two of them had formed an unlikely friendship over the past few years. Lily found Sirius' dating habits revolting, and he found her revulsion entertaining. Eventually that turned into a friendly rapport. Lily was always the first to know of his latest adventures in the world of love, and she would cajole him good-naturedly while he tried to get her to go out with James. Incidentally, James Potter was quite jealous of the friendly level Sirius had reached with the girl he referred to as _his _Lily. But he kept his mouth shut, except to ask Sirius to put in a good word for him, which Sirius did without fail. It was simply a question of whether or not Lily listened.

"So, what brings you to the library tonight?" Lily asked, scratching away at her essay.

"Actually …" Sirius paused for a moment, running a hand through his messy hair, "I was looking for you."

Lily stopped writing and looked up at him. "Do you have a story you just couldn't wait to tell me?"

She hoped her voice disguised the slight jealousy that crept into her stomach. Lily started to notice that more now when Sirius talked about the girls he was with.

She chose to ignore it.

Sirius gave a barking laugh, "Something like that. But it's not what you think. I …" he seemed nervous, and Lily waited patiently for him to continue.

"I got kicked out." Sirius said finally.

"Of your house?"

"Yes."

"Permanently?"

Sirius nodded, "Yes."

"Oh Sirius…" Lily's emerald eyes widened and she stood up, embracing her friend. "I am so sorry."

"It's all right," Sirius replied, "You know how much I hated home anyway. My mother, my brother, all of their ideas about pureblood supremacy. It's just …"

He sounded choked up for a moment, and Lily pulled away to look at him face to face. His stormy gray eyes were glassy, and a tear fell down his face that he stubbornly wiped away.

"It's just that I don't have a family anymore, you know?"

Lily shook her head, "That's not true. You have the marauders. You have James – his family is your family. You know that Sirius."

The dark-haired boy nodded. "I guess that's true, but I want to be part of my own family that I'm proud of, you know? Not someone else's family."

"Have you told the marauders yet?"

Sirius shook his head. "Nope. Ridiculous, isn't it? We've been at school a month and a still haven't gotten the guts to tell them." He shook his head, "I know what they'll say. James will offer to let me stay at his place, and I'll say yes, and it'll all work out. But this goes deeper than just fixing the problem of where I'm gonna live. The Potters think of me as their son…but I'm not their son. I'm my mother's son. I'm a Black, and I'm ashamed to say it."

He met Lily's eyes again, and she was surprised when he reached up his hand and gently traced the outline of her cheek.

"I'm ashamed of what they say about people like you," he whispered. "You're so different, Lily. So incredible." He looked at her with an expression she couldn't read. "It's no wonder he loves you."

Lily was suddenly very aware of how close they were. The storm raged on outside, and a crack of thunder brought her out of her reverie.

"Sirius," she began, but her voice caught in her throat. Everything about him was so handsome – she'd always taken it for granted that he was good looking, that all of the girls wanted to be with him. But to be so close to him … suddenly she understood it on a new level. She understood why the green-eyed monster had started to make more regular appearances.

"There's something I need to tell you, Lily," Sirius said, his own voice shaking. "I promised myself I wouldn't. I promised myself, for James' sake …." He trailed off, running a hand through her fiery hair. Lily closed her eyes. "You' just so beautiful," he whispered.

Lily opened her eyes again, her gaze leveling with his. "I'm not like one of your girls, Sirius," she said, suddenly wondering what he was playing at, "This isn't a game."

Sirius shook his head, "No," he said, "No, it's not a game. And I know you're not one of my girls, Lily. You're _the girl_."

Lily looked at him, confused.

"You're the girl I compare all of the others to. You're the girl I'm trying to find every time I go out with someone new. You're …" he trailed off in silence, lowering his head.

"I shouldn't be doing this," he said, more to himself than to her, "I shouldn't tell you this."

Lily lifted his face gently, "Tell me what?" she asked.

And when he finally told her what he'd been trying to say, Lily wondered if a part of her hadn't already known. Hadn't already guessed it … because she felt the same way.

"I love you, Lily," Sirius said quietly, "I have no right to love you, but I do."

"I love you too," she whispered. And it was the truth. In those words was every beat her heart skipped when she saw him coming toward her, and every emotion she smothered when he told her about yet another conquest, and every moment she'd ever wanted to be held in his arms just a little longer when they hugged each other goodbye.

She'd said it. Finally. And so had he.

Sirius pulled her tightly into his arms and crashed his lips into hers without warning. Lily lost herself in the sensation. Feeling his arms around her, feeling his mouth on hers … it was everything. Everything she had never let herself imagine.

All she could think was that she wanted more. But all too soon, Sirius pulled away.

"You know we can't," he said, breathing hard, "We could never."

"Because of James," Lily let her frustration sink into her voice, "I don't want him, Sirius. I don't love him. I want you."

Sirius shook his head, "He's meant for you Lily. I know it. Everyone knows it. It's selfish of me to love you … even more selfish to tell you, because we can never be together. But how could I not tell you? How could I never say a word…"

Lily leaned against the desk, pulling Sirius with her.

"Don't think about him," she begged, staring up at the man in front of her, "Please, Sirius. I don't want him."

She brought his head down to hers. "I want you," she said, looking into his eyes.

"Lily …" Sirius began, but she cut him off with a kiss.

"I love you," she whispered, "Please, Sirius, please don't walk away from this."

And Sirius knew that he couldn't. Because he loved the girl in front of him, her eyes shining in the candlelight. And she loved him. And if they could even have just one moment together, he would take. He would remember it always.

lllllll

It had only been that one night. One night over a year ago. But Lily remembered every moment as vividly as if it had been yesterday. They never talked about it again – she accepted that Sirius would never betray James, and it was with that fact in mind that she had cried herself to sleep for months.

And then one day, James Potter asked her out. In a nice, normal, lovely way. And she had decided to say yes.

The rest, as far as everyone at Hogwarts was concerned, was history. And usually Lily felt the same way.

But every so often – usually when a thunderstorm raged outside and she found herself alone, her thoughts drifted back to that night in the library, and she let herself remember everything that could have been.

**A/N: Reviews are greatly appreciated! I'm currently working on another story – Someone Like You – about Draco and Hermione. Yes, that was a shameless plug. Check it out if you're interested!**


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